The perpetual train ride of modern dating life

Wednesday, June 28, 2023

Modern life can seem to move at a break-neck speed in one moment and in the next, painfully slow. One thing is for sure, time only moves in one direction. Forward. It might seem like we are merely passengers on this train through time. Blind. Stuck in the now, not knowing what lies ahead; forced to contemplate what lies behind. That is how it is. But you know, maybe deep down, that this is, really not, the way it is. At least not, if you have anything to say about it. So tired of this feeling of just being moved along by an external force. Time. You get up. Clench your fists, raise your head, and with a determined look in your eyes, say to yourself: This stops now. Energy rushes through your body.

So you pull the emergency brake on the train of time. It grinds to a hold, and for a moment, you feel like you’re in control. You decide to put this newfound energy to good use. To explore something, learn something, and most importantly, meet someone. You are looking great today.

You fetch your phone, and downloads this week’s flavor of dating app. A few good pictures, a bio, and a song to make you look interesting. You start swiping. Left, left, right, left, right right. With each flick of your thumb, more and more endorphins are shooting into your brain. You feel in control, and excited. It’s a match.

You suddenly find yourself standing at a crossroads. Your ego got the fix, and you can hear the emergency brakes of the train being released in the background. Do you get back on? You have been on the train before, you know it, it’s a safe port. You contemplate. You clench your fists again. Maybe even pound the table. No, not this time! “Hey! :)”. Here goes nothing.

You strike up a conversation. You get to know each other a bit. A laugh. Then a bit more. You feel closer and closer, even though you have never met. Maybe we should meet? It’s a date!
As your old friend, time, inches closer towards the date, you notice something in the background. It’s a sound, far away for now, but slowly getting closer. Sounds like a train.

The date comes and goes. You were stood up. Left on hold. Ghosted. The person on the other end disappeared without a trace. Why? You don’t feel so good. The train-like sound of before is slowly getting louder. What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Is it how I look? Could it be because of that one thing I hate about myself, that no one knows about? Isn’t it always that? Well… I’ll get over it. You inhale, exhale, and close your eyes for a brief moment. A train horn sounds. You open your eyes, and there you are. Back in your seat, in the train of time. You still feel uneasy, but you kick back for a moment, not thinking about when the next stop is, or if there even is one.

This was my first real "words". It reflects on the loop/"perpetual train ride" that is modern dating life using apps. It years old, probably from sometime during covid. Not sure. It has only been briefly published on another platform, but I decided to take it down, for some reason. Well, here it is. I like the pacing of it the most. As always, the text is probably a bit "cheesy", but that is how I like it.